| Typical |
[Feb. 21st, 2006|12:57 am] |
| [ | music |
| | "Chaos" - Mutemath | ] |
I wish I could capture the feelings that music can make appear in even the hardest of hearts. Granted, I've used that opening statement before... but there's just something that doesn't get accross using any other medium besides music. A heavy guitar rift, a unique rythem pounded out on the drums, a strange melody underneath the main notes of the song, barely audible against the predominant notes...
Words can't describe it.
And that's the kind of conundrum that we always discover when trying to explain "How can you even prove that your God is real?" Granted, to me, that question turns into "How can you NOT believe that God exists?" If you find a painting just lying around, you realize that that painting had a painter. It didn't just paint itself. It was created. As cliche and expected as it is, we LIVE in a Creation... why would it not have a creator? Is it because suddenly we, self-dependent humanity, have someone to answer to? Do we suddenly become accountable with the fact that a perfect Holy God exists? And what about the fact that if throughout our entire life, we only told one little white lie, we have become less than perfect and cannot find favor? No matter how many good works one does, it doesn't change the fact that a just Creator cannot turn His face and look the other way, just because "Oh well it wasn't that bad?" No. That's not how it works. How can we ever hope to find a way to become acceptable on our own in front of God? It's something we all have to face when we die.
That's where hope shows up.
We try to make it up to God all the time, saying, in our defense, that "We are good people." According to society, many of us are good people. I haven't murdered anyone... I've treated my friends with respect... I'm generally honest, except when it might provide to be a bit embarassing... surely THAT must be good enough for God? We're dancing around the point. The fact is that God is completely, wholy, one-hundred percent HOLY. We are tainted. It's how things are. Every single person at some point or another has done something worthy of just falling short of the whole-Holiness that we just talked about. So we can't even begin to make our case to God, as we cannot even come into His presence. Pretty sucky situation if you look at it. Hopelessness. No chance of redemption. There is absolutely nothing that we can do.
So God did it for us.
I know that the name "Jesus" can conjure up a lot of emotions in the past. I know that people use that name on television constantly to just line their wallets with the money of suckers. I realize that people that claim Him in the past have gone on Holy "Crusades" and have killed countless innocent people. Just for a second, I want you to pretend that there were not throngs of hypocrites claiming the name "Jesus." Ghandi made a very good point when he said "I like your Christ, but I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." So for only a moment, push aside the bitterness and perhaps pain that that brings up and realize that God (not the followers that do such a bang-em-up job of misrepresenting Him) made the way for us. This is what happened: God stepped into the Human Story as Jesus of Nazareth. He lived a life, facing everything we did, and the people of His day nailed Him to a cross because He told them who He was and they didn't like it. He died an innocent death, after living a perfect life (not a self-righteous holier-than-thou life either, a truly loving one), and took the punishment that would otherwise fall on our shoulders and send us to hell. No big words, no theological arguments. This is what God did for us. All we have to do is accept the fact that we cannot get to heaven on our own, and believe that Jesus is who He said He was. He did what He did so that we would not have to go to hell, and He did it because He LOVES us and doesn't want to see us take the punishment that we so rightly deserve.
Chances are, if you are reading this, you're on my friends list, and I've known you at some point, or I still do. It might come across as offensive... but I want you to know that I love you. I'm not writing this to make you feel bad. I'm not writing this to piss you off, or start a theological argument. I'm writing this because I want you to experience this. I'm writing this because I want to see you again. Label me as a mystic. Label me as a nut-job. But also remember that I wrote this because I care about you as a person. And no I'm not getting all soft... I just want you to genuinely think about what's going to happen after you die.
Christians are supposed to tell people about Jesus and what He did, and in todays age, Christians are afraid to talk about the punishment for sin because they think they will offend people. They think they will be labeled as a bull-horn wielding legalist. We need to find the way to get the point across in LOVE. The Church has become so nervous. It's become so complacent. "Jesus" has become Typical. |
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| Remorse of a Saint |
[Feb. 1st, 2006|01:07 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Cynical Me - Iver | ] |
"I feel so ordinary... so normal... as if nothing ever happened... as if my life wasn't changed... why do I feel this way, and why do I still feel as if He could never love me?
Why do I keep trying?
These kinds of thoughts, along with countless others I've had, end up coursing accross the surface of my brain every time I do something that makes my need for a savior so obvious. Every time I mess up "big time" (which if you'll allow me to define as the times that my main struggles overtake me), I end up going into this shell of self-loathing, mixed with guilt, remorse, regret, and just over-all depression... realizing that once again I've fallen short of something that He calls me to. But you know what? I'm not the only one that these kind of things happen to.
For those of us that are still relatively new to this whole "Jesus" thing, perhaps I'm just working through my salvation. Maybe this is just another step along the spiritual journey... but to those of us that are still taking that step, this is a big deal. The enemy ransacks our emotions, telling us that we're worthless and that there is no way the Maker could ever use us to any extent. It's happened all throughout time, and it happens to everyone today. But one thing that the Saints must keep in mind... There is no condemnation for us.
We've already won! Victory has already been claimed! We are not a tainted people. The blood of Jesus Christ has taken our short-comings and erased them from our slates. We are new creatures in Christ. The old is gone and the new is here.
...that's really the only point I can make. I foresaw this piece of writing as something that would be a long, captivating collection of words. Instead, I can only tell you of His love. No matter what we have done, God loves us. And even when we mess up... the remorse of the saints isn't enough to push away the living beating heart of God. |
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| Piano Duet in A-Minor |
[Dec. 10th, 2005|02:58 am] |
So there I am... at the school's "talent show" if you will... we call it "Coffeehouse". (This might not be a foreign idea to you. I didn't hear about it until I got here.) And there are these guys up on the stage...
They are a band... and they're not your typical "Hey we're a college band and if we were to just face the facts, we're really not that good." type band. These guys have a bassist, a guitarist (who doubles as a lead singer), a drummer, and a guy on a keyboard, which is set to classic piano... I'm discovering more and more how beautiful a piano can be. They are singing a song that has a main chorus of "This is love." And in all honesty.. except for the guys that did a 5 minute Michael Jackson / Justin Timberlake / Other dance stuff - choreographed dance which was amazing... this band with the piano was probably my favorite.
They had a picture of a skyscraper with about 1/4 of the windows lit up on the screen. Snow was falling in front of it, and it made for one of those sit down and think about what's going on moment... especially because after the main part of the song... the drummer played only the cymbal, the keyboard player was playing a high piece of music on the keyboard, and then the lead singer / guitarist came over and played a lower-key part on the piano. And the combination of the visual stimulus, mixed in with the music made for a time that I could only call...
Amazing.
And I'm sitting here, completely lost in a land where the music has become a language (deja vu), and it's blowing my mind away. Then that's when my thought hits me. It reminds me of the time that I was flying to Washington DC right at the beginning of the summer. I had a similar thought that day, roughly 5 minutes before the week-old macaroni, combined with the turbulence that a 20 person plane is bound to face, forced me to acknowledge that I was not invincible towards motion-sickness. I'll spare the gory details.
I was looking out the window of my plane, and we had just broken through the cloud barrier roughly 3 minutes ago. I was looking down on top of the clouds, and only one word kept going through my mind. "Beautiful." Those of you that have been on an airplane can understand where I'm coming from when I say that. If you're a constant traveler, you've seen it a million times and the beauty of it has probably jaded you to it... but if you think about that... it is really REALLY pretty. So I'm sitting there thinking about that, and I start thinking "Man... this has been beautiful for basically all time... but human flight is relatively new on the scene... yet this was still here before I could sit in my rickety 20 person plane out of New Bern, North Carolina and say 'Wow that's gorgeous.'" So what was it's purpose? Why did it exist? If we, the powerful and ingenious human race, could not see something that was beautiful to acknowledge it's beauty, what was the purpose of it's existence? I wondered about that for all of 10 seconds, because then it struck me... it's very existence... the point of it's very BEING... was to glorify God. For thousands of years, the tops of the clouds, which no human eye ever saw, was beautiful... and it was beautiful for God. It reinforces the fact that every existing thing's purpose is to give glory to Christ.
So anyway... I'm sitting there listening to this amazing piano piece... and seeing as how recently, God grabbed my attention, refused to let go, and sat me down to tell me how it was, I'm sitting there trying to make the connection. "God... this music is so beautiful... and the only reason I can hear it is because you created the whole idea of ears and sound and the emotions that they can create, and the thoughts that they can spawn, and the fact that I can actually even think about the beauty of the music in and of its self." That's when it hits me again. The music is beautiful because God created it. God has enabled us to enjoy His creation (music) so that we in turn can enjoy HIM, which in turn gives HIM Glory and Honor.
Think about it. If a painter paints a painting, and he just places it out somewhere, hides to watch, and people come by and look at it and say "Wow... that painting is amazing. It's colors are so vibrant and real!"... whether they know the painter or not, the painter is pleased. He is pleased because the people are enjoying either what He made or they are enjoying Him and His presence. He receives honor and glory."
And there I am, all of these thoughts rushing into my head. Creation exists to give God glory. That is, in barest form, the reason that we exist. And whether we acknowledge God's glory or not... He still gets it. Whenever someone thinks "This music is incredible." "Look at this scenery." "I love you."... God is receiving glory... because we are enjoying something that He has created.
Luke 19:40 - "I tell you," He replied, "if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out." |
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| Manifesto |
[Dec. 6th, 2005|02:21 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | Secure | ] |
| [ | music |
| | David Crowder Band - Deliver Me (Antidromic Mix) | ] |
"God is ALIVE and WELL in Toronto!" "I am so humbled to see that God has allowed you guys to come." "There are so many people in the body of Christ that are passionate and EXCITED about the fame of God." "Christ is the reason that we are here, and it's awesome to see Him putting all these pieces of the puzzle together. He is ALIVE, He is REAL, and His fame is why WE are here."
So I'm sitting here watching the videos at the 268 generation blog, and suddenly, something that I've been trying to hide from for a while decides to face me.
This God stuff, this body of Christ, this love FOR God and OF God... this whole... thing... is real. God is not just a giant probation officer, waiting for me to screw up so that he can take me to spiritual jail and tell me how bad of a person I am. God LOVES me.... I'm gettin teary-eyed just thinking about that. And why shouldn't we all? Do you realize that this God of Creation, the Holy Master of the Universe is someone that not only knows your name, but knows how many hairs are on your head? The same God that SPOKE the cosmos into existence... He's showering us with His love and we barely even recognize it. We don't even acknowledge that someone that is PERFECT, FLAWLESS, and otherwise unapproachable, decided to reach out to us and provide us a way where we can not only grovel in his presence, but be LOVED by Him? WHO IS THIS GOD? Who is this savior that has redeemed the lowest of all sinners? Why does He love you and I? Do you realize how ungrateful we are as a species? Think about the enormity of God... the power of simply His name is enough to make the princes of this world shudder.
So child of God... WE DO NOT NEED TO LIVE AS IF WE WERE NOT RESCUED.
Did you hear me?
WE ARE FREE! The chains have been broken! When the crudely-made nails of First Century Israel went plunging into his wrists, the blood that freely flowed was the very nectar of our salvation! A completely blameless and spotless lamb... set aside for subsitutionary slaughter. This is the love that God has for us! For every Sunday-Only Christian, for every child molester, for every prostitute, for the Pope... God has offered a WIDE OPEN LIFE to EVERYONE.
He's moving right now. He's changing lives right now. His power is world-wide. This is not something local. This is not an only-sometimes occurance. God is constant. Pieces of his puzzle are falling into place every day, every second. His epic is not something that we can even begin to fathom, yet by simply letting go of our control, we can reserve the most minute place, in the smallest role of the biggest story that this world will ever know.
So child of God, I challenge you. Are you going to live as if you are not redeemed? Are you going to believe the lies and deceptions of the enemy, telling you that you are worthless? Telling you that you cannot be used by God? The thief comes to steal and destroy. He tells you that you are worthless and powerless, and that there is no way a Holy God would EVER want to have anything to do with you. But take courage friend...
GOD LOVES YOU. And he wants to show you that. He wants to show you that you are loved and valued!
But why would He do that? He is perfect?
I will tell you why, seeker. Everything you experience has the opportunity to worship God and bring HIS ETERNAL GLORY to the Earth. That alone is the reason we were created. To give glory to God. To worship The Only One worth worshiping!
The revolution is alive and well. We may be from different areas, we may be from different cultures, and we may not even speak the same language. Yet there is one thing that crosses every barrier and binds us together. We have one common purpose, for it is the reason we were all created.
The Glory of God.
So to you, Beloved, may you live the wide-open and abundant life that He has given you. May you live a life worthy of His name.
And to you seeker... may you come to know the Love of the Invisible Living God. And may you acknowledge the puzzle pieces of His plan that are whispering to you to come and thirst no more.
"And Jesus said, 'I do not condemn you either. Go on your way and from now on sin no more.'" - John 8:11 |
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| Overload |
[Oct. 1st, 2005|12:52 am] |
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I am in the mood for heavy guitars, lots of drums, screaming, and mix in some melody. |
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| My Theo Paper |
[Sep. 19th, 2005|12:20 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  giddy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Something Like Silas - Rains Pour Down | ] |
“What does it mean to be a Christian?” Wow… that’s something that I think people could write thousands upon thousands of books on and still not come close to scratching the surface of the topic. And even then, most, if not all, of the authors would have their own unique opinion about their relationship with Christ. The possibilities are endless. I think the more appropriate question would be “What does it mean to you to be a Christian?” That, I can readily answer in two pages… however I think that even my opinion could turn into a multi-thousand page tome.
God calls us to be IN the world, but not OF the world. To me, that means that while we are “trapped” in this fallen world, we are not to embrace it. For example… Joe walks into a bar. Joe has a genuine and personal relationship with Christ. When all of Joe’s friends greet him and offer to buy him a drink, he thanks them and replies, “Yeah… a Diet Coke would be awesome.” Joe is IN the bar, however he is far from being OF the bar. That guy down at the other end, mumbling something to himself in a drunken stupor; that guy is OF the bar.
However, that’s when we fall into the next question. What does it mean to have no appearance of evil? Joe’s personal convictions tell him it’s ok to have a beer or two, however God’s word says we are not to have the appearance of evil. Does Joe want to be a stumbling block, have one beer at the bar, and therefore take on the appearance of joining all of his buddies in getting drunk? A passer-by might look into the bar and assume the worst, saying “Well there’s Joe, and he’s drinking. He says he loves Jesus, and yet he’s out getting drunk with the fellas. What a hypocrite.” Joe’s Jerusalem just lost one member of it’s population due to a misunderstanding. Therefore, Joe skips the drink, and more than likely isn’t found in the bar at all. He would probably find a neutral place to hang out with his friends so as to not be a stumbling block.
To continue with the Joe illustration, we come to the question of “What does it mean to pick up your cross daily?” You can ask any of the guys around the water cooler at Joe’s job if he shows any differences from the other guys around the office. Any one of them would tell you that Joe has something in him that sets him apart. What they do not know is that Joe wakes up a little early every morning, and spends time with God, NOT due to it just being what a “good Christian” does, but out of a loving response for what Christ did on the cross. When he reads that we are to daily pick up our cross and follow Christ, he tries to be a witness to everyone he comes into contact with. Once again, not because it’s what a “good Christian” does, but because his Holy Father has commanded it, and Joe is a disciple and child of God.
But what does a “fully devoted follower of Christ” look like? One might assume that he’s wearing a suit, blessing every “brother and sister” he comes into contact with, and blindly following every pastors sermon that he can get his hands on. The best part about being a child of God is that we are all different. Chances are, there is a genuine Jesus-follower that does look like the man I described. Perhaps instead, it is the 14 year old “punk kid” that drops off a sandwich to the homeless guy down the street because he read the story of the good Samaritan, and felt that he could show the love of Christ to the down-and-out by sacrificing his own lunch for a day. There really is no set mold to what a follower of Christ looks like. Like I said, that’s part of the beauty of being a child of God. We come from all walks of life, and yet are brothers and sisters.
To be a disciple of Christ is to not only live a holy life for the right reason, but to also give glory to God in all that we do. A disciple of Christ loves Jesus, God, and the Holy Spirit with all his heart, soul, and mind. Pastors for years have taught sermon after sermon on that idea alone, and as scripture can be both simple and amazingly deep at the same time, I’m going to opt for the simple translation due to space constraints that I’ve already broken. All of our soul, our intellect, even the very essence of who we are… that must WORSHIP Christ and bring Him glory. The ultimate point of our being, in my humble opinion, is to give glory to God. It’s simple what we were created to do. |
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| Unexplained Bitterness |
[Sep. 11th, 2005|09:03 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jack Johnson - Good People | ] |
I am bitter. I do not know WHY I am bitter. I do not know WHAT I am bitter AT or WITH. I do not know WHERE this bitterness comes from, and I do not know WHEN it began.
The "Old School" of Christianity (The Religion... not The Relationship) bothers me to no end. "You should do this and do that when this time comes because that is what Christians do." THAT right there is the reason that I wrote any God that these people would worship for so long. That is what kept me away. "We act like Christians because that is Christians do." That is blind faith. That is what the majority of the american-church-lost buy into. That is NOT what I am about.
I am about worshiping the living God through not only the words that I sing or say, but through my actions that I do every day... through the very essence of my being. The very thing that makes me "Will Luper" is what I want to worship God. I have found my identity in Christ. I have found who I am. I am completed by God and what He has done for me. I have searched and found that HE is REAL and HE is TRUTH. Why is it that I become bitter towards something so amazingly life-changing and beautiful?
Bitterness is usually a reaction to getting burned. Emotional scars scab over and make us increasingly numb to the pain that will inevitably come. So it would only make sense that I would be bitter because I have been hurt in the past before. One problem... I can't really name a time that my being a person was attacked or wounded. Thus, it makes me wonder why I am bitter in the first place? Is it just because I don't like the "Old School"? That's incredibly shallow, and the fact that I think so probably points to the answer to that question being "no". Thus, my unexplained bitterness just sits in my mind, and I end up frustrated because I'm bitter for no reason.
Perhaps I'm bitter because I expect God's timing to coincide with my own? My little life that I had planned out really hasn't happened and hasn't done so since I was roughly 18 years old. God has a different timeline than most in mind for me. Ok, I've accepted that. Then my heart gets involved and starts shaking it's invisible fist at God, demanding to know why I haven't found "her" yet, or if I HAVE found "her", why He hasn't allowed it to happen? Foolishly I continue to whine to God, acting as if this is His fault.
God's timing is perfect. Me sitting here complaining about it only shows my spiritual immaturity. Why would God pick someone that would actually be this way to lead a small group of guys to seek Him? Only He knows. I have been called to be on Leadership by being a Prayer Leader... and quite frankly, I think I need to suck it up and stop having a pity party.
I am not a "guy" for God. I am a Man. Not a boy, not a male, but someone that is chasing after God and spiritually being led by Him to be a leader. I cannot lead without first being led... and to be led I must spend time with my Superior.
The funniest thing is that by just thinking things out and crying out to God... one discovers what to do. |
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| The away message that PROVES I used to do drugs: |
[Sep. 8th, 2005|01:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  giggly | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Coldplay - Politik (Live in Australia) | ] |
Exausted Slumber
The sandman takes us and hurls us along a gossimer pathway to the unconcious dreamland where sun flowers have mouths and tell us about their day.
Where small rabbits get eaten by zombies if we've had spicy chicken before closing our eyes.
Yes my friends... this is the jazz of our subliminal. Playing for us while our eyes are closed. Weaving a symphonic opera-piece, sometimes epic in proportion, yet at the same time, so simple even a child could understand.
The power of the human mind... bringing to life the rabbits hole that Alice and the Cheshire Cat have discovered.
It was given to us by God.
-Sleep- |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 30th, 2005|12:02 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Hear You Me - Jimmy Eat World | ] |
There are times when I wonder to God, "So... why is it that there is no one in my life that I can genuinely share it with? How come whenever I find myself in a crowd of people, I'm the person jumping from conversation to conversatoin, trying to find one that I can actually be a genuine part of? I keep finding myself going 'Ok, well they seem pretty content w/ their conversation... I'll go see what these people are talking about.' only to find myself repeating the same thing in my head several minutes later."
If I, as a genuine lover of Christ, continually feel so isolated, is there a reason for it? Should I even trust my emotions in the first place? Is the fact that I experience these emotions at all a clue to whether or not I'm doing the right thing? Why is it that no one is really in my life that I consider a confidant? And while we're on the issue of acting questions, why am I still flying solo in this life here on Earth? I'm twenty-two years old and I still have yet to even be genuinely interested in someone in the past year except one. And when things with that one looked as if they might go somewhere... she moves out of state?
That is when God speaks to my soul.
I feel like He says "Will... why are you worried about this? Are we forgetting that I created the Earth, the Moon, the Stars, the stuff that makes up your big toe, and even the very mechanism that allows you to breathe the breath that I've given you? These things pale in comparison to what I have planned for you. I have to keep reminding you of what I told Jeremiah? I have plans to PROSPER YOU. I cannot show you these amazing things if you are chasing after things that your world has taught you to chase. PICK UP YOUR CROSS Will! You are my BELOVED. I care about you more than anything or any ONE else on this Earth could EVER care about you, and yet you seek their approval more than my own? I love you Will. Trust me and be patient. My timing is perfect and I will bring things about when they should. Until then, remember this... I am in charge. And I have nothing but your best interests in mind. Stop worrying."
My God is an awesome God. My God loves me. My God holds my eternal destiny in such a high priority that He sent his own flesh and blood to take my place and die for me. The very ROCKS and FLOWERS on the Earth are jealous of the fact that I have the ability to praise Him, because if no human did... THEY would have their turn to glorify their creator.
And just like that... I've gone from quietly feeling rejected into a fully accepted state. I can crawl up into the arms of my God and be surrounded by His glory and His love.
That is why I believe what I do. How can I not? |
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| A little bit of both. |
[Aug. 11th, 2005|02:51 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | Geektastic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | M y fans on? | ] |
First off, I am just finding out that people I know play WoW and now I'm wondering if by some freak chance, any of them are on Azjol-Nerub server, because if you are, I must party with you and we must clear UBRS and get me Dal'Rends Sacred Charge because then I can finally complete the set.
[big breath]
Ok so now that I've gotten my geek out, I was riding home today listening to Coldplay's 2nd CD "A Rush of Blood to the Head" and I suddenly wanted to write something beautiful. I haven't done that in a long time, so now that I'm actually having to think about it and put something together... I can't. Go figure eh? I want to write something to my future wife and have the theme be "I miss you." I want it to basicaly be a heart-felt letter that talks about how much I miss the love of my life, even though I haven't met her yet.
I think with the proper setup / delivery, it could be a thing of beauty. Then I could save it for my wife whenever I finally DO meet her and get married.
But right now I'm too excited / cheesified about the fact that I know other people that play WoW besides Dan (My old roomie) and myself.
/dance |
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| It's been a while |
[May. 11th, 2005|11:58 am] |
Have you ever felt helpless?
Realizing what is going to happen, regardless of any of your actions, and wishing that it was different, and even almost fooling yourself into believe it will be... only to have reality smack you in the face and laugh as it does so.
That's when you turn back to God, tears welling up in your eyes, and as a child, look up at the Father, admitting your weaknesses. That is when heaven itself reaches down to you and wipes your tears, calling you beloved and comforting your soul. |
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| What is Beauty? |
[Apr. 15th, 2005|12:33 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  creative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Something Like Silas - When I search | ] |
What is beauty?
Beauty is the sparkle in the back of one's eye that screams out in it's own tiny voice "I believe!". Beauty is holding one's arms wide-open and breathing in the love of another, standing in the sunlight. Beauty is the embrace that happens on a stormy night while watching a scary movie with your best friend that you call "Soul Mate".
Beauty is standing in front of someone, emotionally nude, allowing someone to see all of your imperfections, all of your struggles, all of your joys, and all of your fears... and yet still having them look at you and call you "beloved."
Beauty is a love that is willing to die for you. |
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| VG Cats like Woah |
[Apr. 9th, 2005|02:38 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | David Crowder - I Need Words | ] |
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| Dear God, |
[Apr. 8th, 2005|12:42 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  thoughtful | ] |
Lord, words are not enough to describe your awesome wonder. The same being that breathed all that I know into existence is the same being that was beaten, mocked, and dragged through the streets carrying a cross, eventually being nailed to it and hung up to die like a common criminal... all so that I, someone that is NOT holy.. someone that is covered with sin... could stand in the lover of my souls presence. Nothing I could ever write could even come close to grasping the pure awesomeness and glory of you whom I call MY GOD.
Jesus.. life is so confusing. The writers of Psalms make VERY good points when they cry out, asking you why things happen the way that they do. Why DO things happen the way that they do? Evil men get rewarded constantly. Good men keep getting thrown down.
God I know that they have already gotten their reward.
I guess my prayer is that you will give me the strength to carry on, regardless of my state. Because Lord, in my story, everything I do should be done as if for you. And lord, I can only live FOR you when I'm living WITH you. So before my life can go to places of fulfillment that I sit here and cry out for, whining about not having only because I do not do the proper things to get them, I need to actually build my relationship with you first.
God I love you. My heart is pure, but only because of you living inside of me. Daily I fall because of my human nature... but God I am still pure in your eyes, and you call me beloved.
It's about time I started acting like a beloved.
I want to fall more in love with you Jesus,
Will |
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| BEAUTIFUL day |
[Apr. 5th, 2005|05:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Mae - Anything | ] |
It's days like these that make me wonder "What did I do to deserve all of this?"
You may think that this is a negative way of thinking, but it is actually quite the opposite. Feeling and breathing clear mountain air, looking up into deep blue skies peppered by white cotton clouds, watching a blazing sun come to rest for the day in the depths of the deepest oceans...
What did I do to deserve the beauty of this world? My human inadequacy sentences me to death, yet your undying love commits me to a limitless life, wide-open in all that I do... through your love. |
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| Every human soul should have witnessed this: |
[Apr. 2nd, 2005|01:48 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | full | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Travis - Pipe Dreams | ] |
We all have our own definitions of what love is. Some say it's that physical attraction between two strangers that eventually intensifies into the modern institute of marriage. Others describe it as the strongest emotion on the face of the earth, able to move mountains and split horizons. Some chalk it up to nothing more than a few chemicals mixing in the brain, leading us on to what we call "love".
Love is beautiful. Tonight I was allowed to witness love first-hand, and it wasn't through a person. It wasn't through anything I saw. Tonight, I experienced love in music form.
I wish with all of my essence that you (whoever "you" may be) could have witnessed what I heard tonight. A husband and wife, back to back, each facing a piano. After a somewhat confusing expression of what the song was about by the husband, using WORDS, the wife started plinking out a few small keystrokes. Then... a few more keystrokes were added to the first. Then the husband began playing, just one hand. Then the 2nd hand came in, and without warning, I find myself staring in through a window at one of the most amazing displays of humanity I have ever seen.
I guess in short, to sum it all up, two people sat in front of me, pouring out their hearts to me through a language which no one speaks, but instead creates and listens to. For most things, there are words to inform you of your surroundings. However, sometimes music is the only language to convey such powerful feelings...
...and the only language to bare ones soul to. |
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| Hey that's not so bad. |
[Mar. 31st, 2005|01:51 am] |
Uncorrupted
You are 86% pure | | |  |
My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: | You scored higher than 76% on purity |
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| If you picture this in an AIM Profile window, it's HUGE. |
[Mar. 31st, 2005|01:44 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Travis - Watch The Flowers Go | ] |
Revisiting the past can sometimes be a source of great joy, and other times a sense of great sadness.
I think that the key to avoiding the sadness is not only turning on some British Electro-Emo-Pop while doing so, but also looking at it for what it is... the past.
Memories are amazing. They are the only remains we have of our individual stories of humanity. They do fade though. We're nothing but a vapor in the wind... Seriously, have you ever thought just about how insignificant our lives really are?
That's why I upgraded. Instead of being the leading role of this really tiny two-bit theater production, I've gained a small part in the greatest Epic ever told.
AND... now that I've covered all bases.. I'm going to bed. |
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| Poetry and Questions |
[Mar. 28th, 2005|01:06 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Sixpence None The Richer - Breath Your Name | ] |
Is it because I'm looking around me instead of in Your direction? Is it because my focus is not on You, but instead on things of this petty world? Does my lukewarm inadequacy cause things to happen in the way that they are?
I will spend more time with you... it's something my soul cries for, and something my story needs.
[Happy Easter everyone] |
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| Poetic and Thankful's love child. |
[Mar. 23rd, 2005|12:34 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | thankful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Kutless - All Alone | ] |
More often than I would like to admit, I look back into times now gone and wonder "What would it be like if those things that were in my life were still there? Would it change my identity? Wouldn't it satisfy me? Can't I hold up the paradox of being who I was then and being who I am now at the same time?"
That's when I Am whispers into my heart "You are my new creation. You are someone that can stand in my presence and see my glory in it's fullest because my very son lives in you. You are redeemed. You are a beautiful work in progress...
You are mine."
The lover of my soul believes in me, and because of that, my thankfulness pushes me to my knees in thanks. |
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morphineboy's journal